The Interview

After a couple of months of trying to figure out what to write about I finally decided to share the interview I had with my son.
I wrote a few questions ahead of time for him to answer. After he answered the questions we discussed his answers to make sure that I understood what he was saying and why he feels the way he does. Once again I was floored by his ability to speak with such candor and explain himself so well.
As a mother of a trans child, I feel like every day I have more questions. The questions I will be sharing with you were helpful to me. I want to understand my child as he tries to figure out who he is and where he’s headed. I feel like the more I know the more supportive I can be.
Questions:
1. Are you to the point that you just want to be you? What does that mean or look like?
“Yes. Being me looks like how I look. Transitioning helped me look and feel better. I am more comfortable in my body.”
2. How do you feel leaving the female gender role and taking on the male one?
“It’s scary sometimes when I realize that my voice is louder now, both literally and in a social sense. But I am using my voice (and platform, if I ever have one) to speak for those who are often overlooked, ignored, or cast aside. I am using my privilege in this world to make it a better place. As a man, I can infiltrate the cis white straight men and show them how to be respectful human beings.”
(I needed more clarification on this answer. I will explain at the end)
3. What was it like in a body you didn’t want to be in?
“It was confusing. I felt in my mind and my body I was boy. When puberty came, my body no longer felt like mine. I didn’t have the knowledge or the language to tell anyone how I was feeling.”
4. Do you have any advice for the people out there who may feel like you did at 18/19?
“Trust your instinct. Don’t let the people around you, even your closest friends/ family alter your own perception of yourself. Relax, meditate and learn how to listen to yourself.”
5. Did you ever really identify as gay or was that a stepping stone?
“I still identify as gay or queer. Although I presented a woman-living- woman, I never identified as a lesbian. I don’t care about genitals insofar as I care about someone’s personality and emotional connection between us.
*I found this answer eye opening. I am fortunate to have many friends. I love them each for a different thing(s) they bring into my life. I don’t think about people’s genitals. I fell in love with my husband because of his personality and how he made me feel. Is it the same?
6. Do you have advice for those seeking any surgery?
“Surgery will not dissolve your dysphoria. The worst dysphoria is between your ears. Learn to be comfortable with what you have. Take your time and do extensive research.”
7. Do you have anything you want to say to parents about a child they may have who is trans?
“Yes. Do not dehumanize them. They are still your child. Open a dialogue, hold space for them to talk to you and give them a safe space to do so. Go through it with them, if they allow.”
Back to number 2. At first I didn’t understand what he meant by using the word “privilege.” He explained to me that in our culture, since forever, men have more of a platform than woman.
I hope you found this to be informative. It is my hope that through this blog people will understand that it’s ok to just let people live their lives.

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