Redefining “Tragedy”

I suppose this word can have many definitions.  I guess it would depend on the person defining it.

Once a month, I am a host speaker for a group at my church. Each Monday there is a different topic. I was supposed to be hosting the topic of “Why, God?” Unfortunately due to the crazy winter weather the church closed and I didn’t get to host this topic. But it gave me an idea for a new blog.

A question one might ask in the event of a tragedy, even if you don’t believe in a higher power, you may have ask, “why, God?” Do we really expect an answer? I did at one time. When tragedy strikes we all want to know “why.” It’s human nature.

Remember the brain tumor I mentioned?  Well I asked “why, God” many times.  I waited for an answer.  I finally realized that in waiting for that answer, I could be helping someone else or just as good, helping myself.  I learned so much from that tumor. I know God had other plans for me. My life has changed for the better.  I feel like I turned something bad into something good.  I guess that’s why I call it a gift. I never saw it as a tragedy.  Yes it was scary.  Yes I suffered ptsd from it. I asked why me? I asked many times “why me”, and “why (now on the other side) don’t I have any mental or physical scars?

Back to the topic I was hosting at church, Tragedy and “why, God”.  Usually during the evening as the host I need to share something about myself that relates to the topic.  I do some preparing before I host.  With this topic I was going to share my tumor story but I did that with another topic a while ago. So I thought about the word “tragedy” for a long time. Which lead me to Kam.

Don’t misunderstand me I would not at all call his being transgender a tragedy by any means. Not even close! I am saying that in my lifetime I have experienced two very difficult obstacles. Such obstacles that have lead me to find a new normal in my life. It is not easy to find a new normal.  It takes a lot of time and effort. Just like a diet. The new word for losing weight is “lifestyle change”. You need to change the way you eat and do that forever. It isn’t easy to just do it. Change does not happen overnight or even within weeks. It can take months, even up to a year. But y’all know that.

We all have these things called tragedy’s in life. It’s what we do with them that matters. I want to share that having a transgender child IS NOT A TRAGEDY. Believe it or not, I have had people respond to me in a way that is just crushing to my spirit. No offense taken. They are in need of education. Some of my family members are guilty. Of course I would have never thought I’d be dealing with the loss of one gender for the gain of another. Some of the responses I’ve heard…”oh wow, you’re a good mom”, “Oh my gosh what did you say when you were told” “what are you going to do about it” “how will you explain it to others”…many more than that but you get the gist. My child whether female or male, is MY child. I don’t mind at all being asked questions and I don’t get offended easily (if at all). But being transgender is not a tragedy. It’s all about finding a new normal for all involved. Some take longer than others. When people ask me about my son in and uneducated way, I respond with an answer that is short and sweet. I try to be as open and honest as possible. It’s not anyone’s fault for not being uneducated in an area that may not affect them. I hope our world is changing.  I mean when you’re talking about a human being just wanting to be the person they want to be. As long as no harm is coming to anyone why does it matter?

Everyone is born with the right of being able to become whatever they want. It is unfortunate that some people are born in the wrong body and never get to be who they feel comfortable as. If you aren’t comfortable with yourself, how do you form healthy relationships? Your mind is always telling you something different than how you want to feel. This is a big reason people in the LGBTQ community suffer from depression and heightened anxiety. As a parent I do not want my child to feel this way. That doesn’t make me a great mom. Doesn’t every mom want that for their child?

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