Using the Bathroom – Mom’s Perspective

Everyone uses the bathroom from time to time.  I’m pretty sure we don’t even think about it. When nature calls, you go.  

Whether you’re home or out anywhere and you need to use the facility, do you think about which one to use? Unless you’re somewhere where you have to decide what the picture or words on the door mean, you usually know exactly which room to use.  Once inside the woman’s room you use a stall. For men there’s a choice. You may use a urinal or choose a stall. I’ve actually never been inside, but I just know this.

Now we all have our own bathroom issues.  Some of us may wad or wrap, sit or squat or actually be comfortable enough to perform number two.  For females, once inside we do our thing and it isn’t a problem. My son MUST choose a stall. This is where the problem occurs.  If you think about it when you’re in a stall your feet face forward no matter your business. If you think about a boy or an adult man using a stall, and their feet are facing forward it is assumed they are…well you get the picture.  

For the last three or more years my son has been using the male restroom.  He had been using it without my knowing. Imagine being at a baseball game and you see your “daughter” come out of the men’s room (I’m reliving that moment right now and my eyes are bulging out of my head like it’s happening right now)  I’m like what the?? I asked him, “Did you just use the MEN’S restroom”? Like in public, here at the baseball game? I was furious.

He replied, “Yeah.”  It was like I asked him if he wanted ice cream!  

Still completely dumbfounded I asked again “Here in this stadium, you just walked right in the men’s room and did your thing?”  

Once again he replied “Yeah.”  

I said, “Are you crazy? Someone might beat you up.”  He didn’t look like how he looks now. He was not on T back then.  He still looked kind of feminine. It really upset me. This was the first time I felt sad, angry and knew he was tackling his transition head on, and I let it show.  

After Kam shaved his head in twelfth grade he seemed to take on more of a boy look.  He also dressed in “boy” clothes. He always had a knack for dressing in boys (now mens) clothes.  Even his stance and gait of his walk seemed more on the male side. I’ve always thought that. Even as I sit here and type away, I can think of times when I would watch him walk and think why does he walk like that?  Maybe it’s just my opinion. I feel like men and women walk differently. I don’t know why.

Each year in September my son goes camping with his dad.  The year he cut his hair was the year woman and young girls started to stare at him when using the female restrooms.  One older child even told him he was in the wrong restroom. My son actually got more attention (negatively) while using the female restroom that he should have been using at that time!  This began to make him feel uncomfortable. I guess that’s when he thought to himself maybe he should try the men’s room. I can also recall time we were out to dinner and he’d ask me if I had to use the bathroom.  I figured out that he didn’t want to use the women’s restroom alone.

After I found out he had been using the men’s room for a while, he explained to me why he was in fact doing that. We had an eye opening conversation. He continued to tell me that when he used the men’s room no one stared or even looked in his direction. He simply went in, did his thing and came out.  I’m sure he washed his hands. He was just more comfortable. I was not because I knew outwardly that he physically wasn’t a boy. I was afraid that he would get assaulted. I was afraid that people would talk. Again, a HUGE reason people can’t wrap their head around someone being trans. I tell you that people do not CHOOSE this. My son had been longing to use the restroom he felt most comfortable in. I finally came to a conclusion that I knew he wasn’t going in the men’s restroom for any other reason than to do his business. It took me quite a while to realize this.  He has been on T now for almost two years. I feel that he definitely looks more male and would now DEFINITELY not look like he should be using the women’s restroom.

This was a huge victory for my son.  I love showing up at an establishment that has their restrooms labeled as whoever you are, use the restroom with no worries. #LockhouseDistilleryIMG_2721

2 thoughts on “Using the Bathroom – Mom’s Perspective

  1. What a great experience for your son and what a strong mother for you to understand…even if it took awhile. I think all restrooms shouldn’t be “labeled”. I know it is a “safety” reason to keep genders separate. But now days, it hurts people if the have to “choose” where to do there business


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s